Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
