PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
