I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
