im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
