The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Still dying that you shit outside
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
