It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My vagina just clenched in fear
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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