fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
