I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
