she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
