do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
