Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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