I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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