Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's blow job season.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
