Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Operation Purity has been aborted
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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