You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
