I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
