Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
