i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
