1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
