So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
