I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
