I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
