I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
