so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
