He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
