I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
