If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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