I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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