I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
