I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
