Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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