I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
