Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
