why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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