he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
