i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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