The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
