Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
