well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
