I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
