I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
