The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
jump out the window naked night went bad
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
