I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
