I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
