I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
