We named our party play list daddy issues
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
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She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
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We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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