I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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