Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
