if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize