so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
