We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
