well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
