So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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