Is it because I queefed?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
