I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
