My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
