and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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