oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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