I hate your face
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
