There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
