I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
