So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
