saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
