Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
