when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
