So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
