hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
